Laughs

A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial - it went like this:

Attorney: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?

Officer: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.

D.A.: Officer, who provided this description?

Officer: The officer who responded to the scene.

D.A.: A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?

Officer: Yes sir, with my life.

D.A.: With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a locker room in the police station - a room where you change your clothes in preparation for you daily duties?

Officer: Yes sir, we do.

D.A.: And do you have a locker in that room?

Officer: Yes sir, I do.

D.A.: And do you have a lock on your locker?

Officer: Yes sir.

D.A.: Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those same officers?

Officer: You see sir, we share the building with a court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.

The courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called.

Now THAT's what I call a comeback !!

Anitgone Review

I was recently reminded of the movie Antigone, and I remembered I had a lot to say about it.

        In all of my long and storied sixteen years, never have I come across a film quite like Antigone. It is so unique that I have nothing to compare it to. Imagine if you will, a dessert so retched and awful that you would drink toilet water just to get the taste out of your mouth. This movie would be that dessert after three weeks of festering in a desert.

Upon viewing, it is difficult to determine which of the senses is most affronted. My eyes were immediately taken aback at the sight of the hideous set. Its multiple shades of gray formed a sick combination which reminded me of the black plague, while the clothing and structures were vaguely reminiscent of the Nazi Party, but with a strange Star Trek type twist. The movie also appeared to be low budget and unprofessional. There was nothing special about the way the movie was filmed. There was even one scene where a camera man dropped his camera.

        My ears were the next sense to suffer because of this movie. The soundtrack was a strident mess of brass and woodwinds, creating a cacophony of displeasing noise. The sudden rise and falls in intensity made me feel as if I were on a roller coaster ride and left me cringing with every new note. My hearing was also afflicted by the wooden acting and stifling performances from Juliet Stephenson and John Shrapnel. Stephenson must have felt that her character had to whine in order to be heard, because that is all she did. Quite frankly, I was glad once Antigone died. Shrapnel did no better. He put absolutely no feeling into his character and shouted every line at the top of his voice, spraying the camera with a foul mist of spittle.
        My sense of touch was harmed because halfway through because I tried to hang myself in the bathroom with my own belt. My taste befell the curse of this movie due to the rising bile in my throat. In fact, the only sense that was not tortured was my sense of smell. With every bone in my body, I plead with you to not watch this move.

 

It is possible to lead a cow upstairs...but not downstairs.  

             Shout out to Tueting!