Attention!

Go to the bottom of this page and feed my fish.

Now.

They're hungry.

and they will find you

Driving

So I can drive now and I realize my little countdown to driving widget has now run down to zero days.

Unfortunately, i am too lazy to take the time and remove it so there it will stay.

Deal with it.

203 million dollars is spent on barbed wire each year in the U.S.  


    you know what its going to be used for

Posts

I can't help but notice how whenever you people comment on my posts, it is always about how pitiful your lives are that you are reading the post and commenting on it.

Laughs

A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial - it went like this:

Attorney: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?

Officer: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.

D.A.: Officer, who provided this description?

Officer: The officer who responded to the scene.

D.A.: A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?

Officer: Yes sir, with my life.

D.A.: With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a locker room in the police station - a room where you change your clothes in preparation for you daily duties?

Officer: Yes sir, we do.

D.A.: And do you have a locker in that room?

Officer: Yes sir, I do.

D.A.: And do you have a lock on your locker?

Officer: Yes sir.

D.A.: Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those same officers?

Officer: You see sir, we share the building with a court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.

The courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called.

Now THAT's what I call a comeback !!

Anitgone Review

I was recently reminded of the movie Antigone, and I remembered I had a lot to say about it.

        In all of my long and storied sixteen years, never have I come across a film quite like Antigone. It is so unique that I have nothing to compare it to. Imagine if you will, a dessert so retched and awful that you would drink toilet water just to get the taste out of your mouth. This movie would be that dessert after three weeks of festering in a desert.

Upon viewing, it is difficult to determine which of the senses is most affronted. My eyes were immediately taken aback at the sight of the hideous set. Its multiple shades of gray formed a sick combination which reminded me of the black plague, while the clothing and structures were vaguely reminiscent of the Nazi Party, but with a strange Star Trek type twist. The movie also appeared to be low budget and unprofessional. There was nothing special about the way the movie was filmed. There was even one scene where a camera man dropped his camera.

        My ears were the next sense to suffer because of this movie. The soundtrack was a strident mess of brass and woodwinds, creating a cacophony of displeasing noise. The sudden rise and falls in intensity made me feel as if I were on a roller coaster ride and left me cringing with every new note. My hearing was also afflicted by the wooden acting and stifling performances from Juliet Stephenson and John Shrapnel. Stephenson must have felt that her character had to whine in order to be heard, because that is all she did. Quite frankly, I was glad once Antigone died. Shrapnel did no better. He put absolutely no feeling into his character and shouted every line at the top of his voice, spraying the camera with a foul mist of spittle.
        My sense of touch was harmed because halfway through because I tried to hang myself in the bathroom with my own belt. My taste befell the curse of this movie due to the rising bile in my throat. In fact, the only sense that was not tortured was my sense of smell. With every bone in my body, I plead with you to not watch this move.

 

It is possible to lead a cow upstairs...but not downstairs.  

             Shout out to Tueting!

Amberisms

Amberisms

In the spirit of comedy and creativity, I have recently decided to write down the funny things Amber says. I have junior senior seminar with her ever A day so there is a lot of time for her to spout random babble. Here are some of the best ones:

• “No, he does not exist. He gets fired from life.”
• “Sometimes teachers just love to kick you while you’re down”
• “How do I make all these stupid numbers go away?”
• “You need to calm yourself right now”
• “Did I ask you what your opinion is? I don’t think so.”
• “Throwing away tye dye is a sin”
• “Michael, have you ever had a random dream about a random person?”
• “The sky is not the limit. Know why? There’s footprints on the moon.”
• “I love interracial couples”
• “And there you go walking down the alley to you alley home.”
• “How many homeless people are there in Harrisonburg that roam the streets to shank you?”
• “I think you guys should have a hug”
• “No! You’re supposed to agree!”
• “Sometimes I can’t read clocks”

To those of you that may not find these funny, you just have to know Amber. Also a majority of these were hilarious because of the key timing she said them. If you don’t believe me ask Andy.
*Footnote. All of these were said and recorded in a 45 minutes span last Wednesday.

You share your birthday with at least 9 million other people in the world. 

          Unique my ass!!

A Page From My English Journal

I would be about to watch the show on ESPN called Pardon the Interruption but my little brother is hogging the tv. So I got him to record it and now I am doing work. It is somewhat displeasing to think that I have about one hundred and fifty more of these journals to type. That is downright depressing.
I have to do a lot of work tonight. I don’t think i shall be going to Gwen’s birthday party. I wasn’t invited but it would probably be okay if I showed up. However I have a lot of homework to to do tonight so I think I shall stay in. i have to read an entire chapter of my AP United States History textbook and take notes on it. I also have to read a chapter in La Ciudad de Las Bestias, a book for Spanish class. It is really weird. The book is about a boy named Alex Cold who is traveling to the Amazon with his Grandmother to find Sasquatch. Or something along those lines because the book is in Spanish.
I’m really thirsty.
On a lighter note, i am super pumped for the field trip my history class is taking to Williamsburg. It is going to be really fun and I even get to miss school. We leave on October 6th and stay in a hotel for four nights. At some point during that time we are also going to Yorktown and Jamestown, but I am not really sure how we are going to get there.  It is also worth six AP points just for going. However I am a little concerned that we might actually have to do work. Like fill out papers and write reflections and that kind of thing. But who wants to do that?
Here is one more reason to hate the Word processer for Google Docs. For some reason the default font setting is Arial and the default size is 11. On Microsoft Office Word the default settings are Times New Roman and 12. On Google Docs an entire page is about four hundred words while for Microsoft Office Word a page is only about three hundred. That is a rather large difference.
I think I might copy paste this in to my blog. I haven’t posted anything on that in weeks and I regret that. My loyal followers are probably getting angry and thinking about rioting right now. Hahahaahahahah. I make myself laugh sometimes. No one reads my blog lets be honest here. See and I just had a twinge of laziness and now i don’t feel like updating my blog. How pathetic.

"Go," is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.  

                                      power of the pen right there.

A Page From My English Journal

I would be about to watch the show on ESPN called Pardon the Interruption but my little brother is hogging the tv. So I got him to record it and now I am doing work. It is somewhat displeasing to think that I have about one hundred and fifty more of these journals to type. That is downright depressing.
I have to do a lot of work tonight. I don’t think i shall be going to Gwen’s birthday party. I wasn’t invited but it would probably be okay if I showed up. However I have a lot of homework to to do tonight so I think I shall stay in. i have to read an entire chapter of my AP United States History textbook and take notes on it. I also have to read a chapter in La Ciudad de Las Bestias, a book for Spanish class. It is really weird. The book is about a boy named Alex Cold who is traveling to the Amazon with his Grandmother to find Sasquatch. Or something along those lines because the book is in Spanish.
I’m really thirsty.
On a lighter note, i am super pumped for the field trip my history class is taking to Williamsburg. It is going to be really fun and I even get to miss school. We leave on October 6th and stay in a hotel for four nights. At some point during that time we are also going to Yorktown and Jamestown, but I am not really sure how we are going to get there.  It is also worth six AP points just for going. However I am a little concerned that we might actually have to do work. Like fill out papers and write reflections and that kind of thing. But who wants to do that?
Here is one more reason to hate the Word processer for Google Docs. For some reason the default font setting is Arial and the default size is 11. On Microsoft Office Word the default settings are Times New Roman and 12. On Google Docs an entire page is about four hundred words while for Microsoft Office Word a page is only about three hundred. That is a rather large difference.
I think I might copy paste this in to my blog. I haven’t posted anything on that in weeks and I regret that. My loyal followers are probably getting angry and thinking about rioting right now. Hahahaahahahah. I make myself laugh sometimes. No one reads my blog lets be honest here. See and I just had a twinge of laziness and now i don’t feel like updating my blog. How pathetic.

"Go," is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.  

                                      power of the pen right there.

Blogging from my iTouch

Wooooo!!!

School Time?

It turns out that the school does not block blogger. So it is time to blog. I just finished my job in broadcasting, the job of titlemaker.  It is extremely boring and I only have to press a button twice. For the rest of the time I just sit there and do nothing. Oh well.

We have the cross county time trial today. I don't know where there location is though. Jeff isn't very good about that type of thing.

oh goodness

So it turns out that for the past week my blog has been stuck in Pacific Time. So everything has been about three hours off and a bit screwy. I just thought that blogger was all wacked out, but then I was messing with the settings and discovered the little problem. Yay me.

Reading this blog will do it in five!!

            The average person falls asleep in seven minutes. 

Time for Pondering

Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate -- we can not consecrate -- we can not hallow -- this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us -- that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion -- that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain -- that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom -- and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.

          Patriotism B*tch

More Stuff

Today was absolutely, hands down, no doubt about it the HARDEST WORKOUT I HAVE EVER HAD THE MISFORTUNE TO PARTAKE IN. Jefferson could be a slave driver for a 15th century pirate ship. After school ended, we drove on 33 towards West Virginia for about 15 minutes. After this we took a lot of turns until we were smack in the , middle of the boonies. I think she intentionally did this so we would get lost and not be able to run away. We stopped at the base of a mountain where there was a nice lake behind a reservoir with a big tower in the middle of it. It was here that sh*t would go down. She told Keith, Jonas, Nevin, Eric, Mister Jordan, Gabe, and myself to run up the mountain and down the other side. Then come back. The entire distance as 7 miles, with the first three being up hill. And I mean straight up hill. No downhills or flats, just pounding up a monstrous slope. We got a break at the top, then had to run back down. The good part was that the last half was downhill. I think Nevin and Gabe and I ran a mile in 4:30. This entire workout took about 45 minutes of straight running. She said we wouldn't do that workout again this season, which is good because I actually entertained thoughts of quitting during the run.

On a lighter note, I will hopefully be traveling to THE University of Virginia to see a Cavaliers football game. Although the football program at UVA has become somewhat of a joke in recent years, I have high hopes for this game. It is the home opener and it is against the University of Richmond, an AA team. Coincidentally, the new head football coach at UVA is the old head coach for the Spiders (Richmond) so maybe he wil knoe a few tricks against his old team.

Gross!!

      There are more germs in the human mouth than in the anus. 
 

Recent Activity

I didn't blog when I got home last night because I was too tired. So I'll  talk about it now. The Spotswood East Rock game was a complete blow out. I left t the half when the score was 28-0 Spotswood winning. After that Conner, Ben Will, Gustaf and I got up to some stuff that I won't say on blogger. Then we decided to go to Conner's house and chill there. We started a fire and burned things. His dog is crazy and sole purpose in life is to chase a tennis baseball. We also ran into oliver, his diabolical cat who is planning to take over the world. He is probably scheming right now that rascal. building up an army. Maybe he will remember that I was nice to him and make me an important slave, rather than a regular one or death.

Today, myself and many others went to Gwen's house to watch a movie about Christopher Columbus for an AP point. It was a little one hour documentary on his life and his adventures to/ discovery of America. The movie made Columbus seem like a real jerk. Maybe he was, I'm not that old. Anyway, Columbus pretty much enslaved a lot of Native Americans and got a lot of people killed. He died at the age of 50 something with very little credit. Some douchebag named Amerigo swooped in and stole all the credit, which is why it is today called America. Who knows, maybe the land of the free and the home of the brave could be called Columbia. Or Christophia. Or Harold. The world will never know.

After the movie, we all hung out at Gwen's house and played some basketball. That was pretty fun until a certain person who shall remain nameless (Joanna) started making fun of our basketball skills. She doesn't understand how difficult;t basketball can be. Oh well. Then we walked/drove to a little church place with the intention to play flashlight tag, but never actually did. We all hopped on a ghetto marry-go-round thing and spun til we were sick. Then we swung on the swings and partied. After that we came home. So thats all I have. Adios amigos y recuerden:   

                The flushing toilet was invented in 1596, not by Thomas Crapper as most people think, but by Sir John Harington. 

Friday

Today was a pretty good day. The end of the week brought an A day so it was pretty relaxed. However, Newsstreak is being pretty unreasonable. The teacher is assigning a ton of work and stories (first drafts) have to be turned in Tuesday. Which isn't so good for me because I have to lame interviews and pretty much no information. Oh well.

Tonight Will and I are going to the first high school football game between Spotswood and the new school, East Rockingham. It seems kind of silly because Spotswood split in half to form East Rock. So basically, Spotswood took their football team, split it in half, and the halves are going to scrimmage. Despite this, the place is goning to be pretty packed and it should be a good time.

In cross country news, we drove out to Dayton today to go on a 6 mile country road run. It was extremely dangerous due to gravelly roads and large farm equipment and we almost died many times. The new coach this year doesn't seem to believe in stretching before a run. I don't know if I agree with that. I like to being practice with a short warm up and stretching session. After this run, we all drove back to HHS and played a massive game of ultimate frisbee with the girls team. I'm pretty sure my team got crushed every single time. But thats ok. Until next time I leave you with this.

               An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.  

The Governator

Well folks, it was a pretty fun birthday. As previously mentioned, Marshall, Will, Nevin, Emmett, and I went to some kind of public forum with Governor McDonnell. Honestly, I didn't even know the name of our governor before today. But it was fun and I saw lots of people from school there as well, even Thomas. It was extremely interesting and it made me feel like I was doing something for society. Plus we got an AP point.

Anyway, the thing started out with a few people talking and introducing the Governor. One of these fine gentleman was my neighbor, Senator Obenshain. McDonnell opened with how glad he was to be in Harrisonburg and all that other politician bullcrap. It turns out his daughter attended JMU, so kudos for us. After this he began a power point on how he wants to free ABC stores from governmental control. Sale of all "distilled liquor" is controlled in a monopoly by the government. Virginia is one of only 18 other states to sell spirits like this. McDonnell wants to get rid of this monopoly because it would promote public spending and the money gained (mostly in taxes) could go to the public benefit, mostly transportation stuff.

When he finished monologuing, he took a few questions from the crowd. My own mother was the first person to go and she asked a question that pertained to small business, I am not too clear on the details. About fifteen people came up to a microphone and asked their questions. There was one guy named Bishop who would just not let an issue go. he was talking about how we are trying to utilize more electricity, but not doing much to solve the problem of cars using fossil fuels. Bishop has apparently never heard of an electric car. He was being quite rude and very unprofessional.

The last person ask a question was a young Hispanic (PC right there) girl who wanted to know what our good governor was going to do about the dream act. She said she was undocumented and her parents forced her to come to America when she she was six years old. She then grew up to graduate from Turner Ashby with a 4.0 (not bad for the county) and graduate from EMU in three and a half years. Unfortunately, she is illegal and that is just not legal. It is a terribly sad story, but Governor McDonald (The Magnificent) said he can't turn a blind eye to breaking the law. He basically said he would not support the Dream Act. I assume the Dream Act is something to do with making children of illegal immigrants legal.

At this point the crowd was practically in an uproar. She had many friends with her who stood up with posters supporting the Dream Act and emotions were flaring. But the calm cool and collected Governor took it all in stride. People were getting all riled up and I almost expected a fight to break out. But there was no fight and order was restored. it was very easy to tell who was on the side of the girl and who favored the (did I mention handsome as well?) Governor. Well it certainly was an interesting night and the next 365 better be too.

Random Politics!

The town of Kennesaw, Georgia has required its citizens to own a firearm and ammunition since 1982. 

I Have Too Much Time On My Hands

As all of you die hard fans of me out there probably already know, today was my birthday. It was a good day full of mirth and contentment. I have not yet received any presents, but that's alright. Tueting did this funny thing in class today where he tried to trick the entire class into thinking the Aztecs sailed over to Europe in 1491 and slaughtered the Spanish King and Queen (Isabelle and Ferdinand for you history buffs). But I wasn't fooled.

Today was also the day of the mile time trial. i ran a respectable 5:18 but that boy Nevin ran a blazing time of 4:56. Much props go to him. After that, we played a game of ultimate frisbee next to the marching band. I then returned home and began to do homework.

But tonight should prove to be interesting. Tueting said he would give us an AP point if we went to a speech by Governor McDonnell tonight. I will most likely be giving an updated blog afterwards, so you all will just have to wait with baited breath to find out what it was like. Until then, I will continue slaving over the workload that is Junior Year and leave you with this.

             Coca-Cola translated to Chinese means, "To make mouth happy".  

Quote of the Day

"If you build your houses out of wood and paper, don't piss off the United States." - Mark Tueting.

Quote of the Day

"Crush your enemies. Drive them before you. Hear the lamentations of their women."

- Conan the Barbarian

crazy school

School just got underway and i already feel exhausted. The AP classes loaded on the work and I'm tired. I think I'm going to bed.