Attention!

Go to the bottom of this page and feed my fish.

Now.

They're hungry.

and they will find you

Driving

So I can drive now and I realize my little countdown to driving widget has now run down to zero days.

Unfortunately, i am too lazy to take the time and remove it so there it will stay.

Deal with it.

203 million dollars is spent on barbed wire each year in the U.S.  


    you know what its going to be used for

Posts

I can't help but notice how whenever you people comment on my posts, it is always about how pitiful your lives are that you are reading the post and commenting on it.

Laughs

A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial - it went like this:

Attorney: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?

Officer: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.

D.A.: Officer, who provided this description?

Officer: The officer who responded to the scene.

D.A.: A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?

Officer: Yes sir, with my life.

D.A.: With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a locker room in the police station - a room where you change your clothes in preparation for you daily duties?

Officer: Yes sir, we do.

D.A.: And do you have a locker in that room?

Officer: Yes sir, I do.

D.A.: And do you have a lock on your locker?

Officer: Yes sir.

D.A.: Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those same officers?

Officer: You see sir, we share the building with a court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.

The courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called.

Now THAT's what I call a comeback !!

Anitgone Review

I was recently reminded of the movie Antigone, and I remembered I had a lot to say about it.

        In all of my long and storied sixteen years, never have I come across a film quite like Antigone. It is so unique that I have nothing to compare it to. Imagine if you will, a dessert so retched and awful that you would drink toilet water just to get the taste out of your mouth. This movie would be that dessert after three weeks of festering in a desert.

Upon viewing, it is difficult to determine which of the senses is most affronted. My eyes were immediately taken aback at the sight of the hideous set. Its multiple shades of gray formed a sick combination which reminded me of the black plague, while the clothing and structures were vaguely reminiscent of the Nazi Party, but with a strange Star Trek type twist. The movie also appeared to be low budget and unprofessional. There was nothing special about the way the movie was filmed. There was even one scene where a camera man dropped his camera.

        My ears were the next sense to suffer because of this movie. The soundtrack was a strident mess of brass and woodwinds, creating a cacophony of displeasing noise. The sudden rise and falls in intensity made me feel as if I were on a roller coaster ride and left me cringing with every new note. My hearing was also afflicted by the wooden acting and stifling performances from Juliet Stephenson and John Shrapnel. Stephenson must have felt that her character had to whine in order to be heard, because that is all she did. Quite frankly, I was glad once Antigone died. Shrapnel did no better. He put absolutely no feeling into his character and shouted every line at the top of his voice, spraying the camera with a foul mist of spittle.
        My sense of touch was harmed because halfway through because I tried to hang myself in the bathroom with my own belt. My taste befell the curse of this movie due to the rising bile in my throat. In fact, the only sense that was not tortured was my sense of smell. With every bone in my body, I plead with you to not watch this move.

 

It is possible to lead a cow upstairs...but not downstairs.  

             Shout out to Tueting!

Amberisms

Amberisms

In the spirit of comedy and creativity, I have recently decided to write down the funny things Amber says. I have junior senior seminar with her ever A day so there is a lot of time for her to spout random babble. Here are some of the best ones:

• “No, he does not exist. He gets fired from life.”
• “Sometimes teachers just love to kick you while you’re down”
• “How do I make all these stupid numbers go away?”
• “You need to calm yourself right now”
• “Did I ask you what your opinion is? I don’t think so.”
• “Throwing away tye dye is a sin”
• “Michael, have you ever had a random dream about a random person?”
• “The sky is not the limit. Know why? There’s footprints on the moon.”
• “I love interracial couples”
• “And there you go walking down the alley to you alley home.”
• “How many homeless people are there in Harrisonburg that roam the streets to shank you?”
• “I think you guys should have a hug”
• “No! You’re supposed to agree!”
• “Sometimes I can’t read clocks”

To those of you that may not find these funny, you just have to know Amber. Also a majority of these were hilarious because of the key timing she said them. If you don’t believe me ask Andy.
*Footnote. All of these were said and recorded in a 45 minutes span last Wednesday.

You share your birthday with at least 9 million other people in the world. 

          Unique my ass!!

A Page From My English Journal

I would be about to watch the show on ESPN called Pardon the Interruption but my little brother is hogging the tv. So I got him to record it and now I am doing work. It is somewhat displeasing to think that I have about one hundred and fifty more of these journals to type. That is downright depressing.
I have to do a lot of work tonight. I don’t think i shall be going to Gwen’s birthday party. I wasn’t invited but it would probably be okay if I showed up. However I have a lot of homework to to do tonight so I think I shall stay in. i have to read an entire chapter of my AP United States History textbook and take notes on it. I also have to read a chapter in La Ciudad de Las Bestias, a book for Spanish class. It is really weird. The book is about a boy named Alex Cold who is traveling to the Amazon with his Grandmother to find Sasquatch. Or something along those lines because the book is in Spanish.
I’m really thirsty.
On a lighter note, i am super pumped for the field trip my history class is taking to Williamsburg. It is going to be really fun and I even get to miss school. We leave on October 6th and stay in a hotel for four nights. At some point during that time we are also going to Yorktown and Jamestown, but I am not really sure how we are going to get there.  It is also worth six AP points just for going. However I am a little concerned that we might actually have to do work. Like fill out papers and write reflections and that kind of thing. But who wants to do that?
Here is one more reason to hate the Word processer for Google Docs. For some reason the default font setting is Arial and the default size is 11. On Microsoft Office Word the default settings are Times New Roman and 12. On Google Docs an entire page is about four hundred words while for Microsoft Office Word a page is only about three hundred. That is a rather large difference.
I think I might copy paste this in to my blog. I haven’t posted anything on that in weeks and I regret that. My loyal followers are probably getting angry and thinking about rioting right now. Hahahaahahahah. I make myself laugh sometimes. No one reads my blog lets be honest here. See and I just had a twinge of laziness and now i don’t feel like updating my blog. How pathetic.

"Go," is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.  

                                      power of the pen right there.